On the evening of the day when the Paracon results were released, Yuuki, Ryou and Junn showed up just as promised. They shot a glance at Ichizou who was standing in front of Noel before quickly directing their glares on Noel himself.

“….all of you saw the results.”

Giving a greeting was useless to them, who were already irritated. Ryou clicked his tongue loudly and drew closer to Noel.

Ryou’s arm came before Noel’s eyes and the former grabbed the front of his clothes and yanked it.

“Noel!”

Ichizou moved, intending to stop Ryou but Noel signaled with his hand for Ichizou to hold back.

“What tricky methods did you use?!”

While glaring daggers at a close distance, Ryou yelled furiously at Noel.

“It’s impossible for a band that just debuted to get third place on the Paracon charts, isn’t it?! Something was done in the back! You think you can win us like that?! Is this your payback for that time?!”

Noel kept his calm throughout Ryou’s shouts of rage and replied.

“Do you think I’m capable of cheap tricks like that?”

“Tch………….! Even if you’re not capable of it, that Producer can do it, right?! He can pile the money in!”

Noel understood quickly that those were just words said out of spite. However, to Noel, who had kept his cool till now, they struck a nerve.

The wrist of Ryou’s hand that was grabbing onto his shirt was gripped. The face before him contorted in pain.

“Don’t insult him……….!”

Revo, who faced music with more sincerity than anyone else, would never use the power of money to make a filthy imitation out of the “The Nighthawk Star”.

“Noe, Noel, calm down…….”

Hearing Ichizou from behind, who was being worried that Noel would be the one inflicting damage this time round, the latter released Ryou’s arm.

Pressured by Noel’s menacing actions, Ryou clicked his tongue and retreated backwards.

Noel stared at the three who were playing in the same band as him just nine months ago. He could see his past self through them and he opened his mouth to speak.

“We did not use money or authority, let alone violence. Even if you change someone’s heart through those means, it will become nothing. A person had to change themselves, if not……”

The Noel who was still in the same band as they were then did not understand that. He also did not try to understand. Because he also thought that people’s hearts were unable to change, he gave up.

Noel knew that if he wanted people to change, then it had to be through the songs that welled up from within his body. They had strength that was above that of money, authority or violence. That was proven by “The Nighthawk Star”.

The other three glared at Noel but they did not say anything.

“All of you will not understand with just words. Well, even with that said, all of you just did what we wanted without attempting to understand the situation.”

“……are you saying that we’re in the wrong?”

“No.”

In response to Yuuki speaking quietly, suppressing his irritation, Noel shook his head.

“I just wanted to make the music that I wanted to make. I also wanted to force all of you into it. However, that sound did not reach you. It’s understandable to generate feelings of distaste when you get pressed by a sound that didn’t reach your heart.”

It was not as though the songs made up till now did not manage to reach other people’s hearts. Eiji and Marie could relate to Noel’s music and they said they were encouraged because of it. Yamaguchi told him that he had listened to Noel’s songs till this day and wanted to support him. Ichizou even said that he felt pumped up while listening to them.—And Revo, said that he felt Noel’s potential.

However, the Noel then could not make a song that reached them – those three who were in the same band, making music with him. The current Noel would have been able to make up for what he was lacking then.

He could not understand them. But—

“From this day on, I want various kinds of people to listen to my songs. I want my songs to reach them. I’m serious about singing, for my songs to reach them.”

Noel hit his own chest with a clenched fist and looked at the other three.

“That also  includes all of you. I want these songs that are filled with thoughts to reach the three of you as well……this time, I feel that I made a song that could reach you all as well.”

Even if it came from himself, he thought it was a clumsy speech. He thought it was a high ambition. It was a convenient thing to say to people who he had broke up once with after a spat.—Even so, he wanted those people who he had made music together with to know these feelings.

“What did you say? Songs filled with thoughts……! What would you know about such a thing?!”

Junn, who had been standing at the back, shouted but someone signalled him to stop. It was Yuuki who had kept silent throughout as though he had no interest in the matter.

“Stop it…… Enough already.”

The voice was not quite that loud but it rang soundly within the room. His gaze was not on Noel but towards the direction of the recording booth. The gaze then slowly shifted to Noel.

“Now that you see how much of nobodies we are, are you satisfied?”

Yuuki’s gaze was strangely  quiet, depressed even.

“Honestly speaking, I’m really angry about what you guys did to me. But right now, what’s more important is whether my song managed to reach all of you.”

Yuuki had not said anything, but the instant Noel said that, he shot a harsh glare at the other party. Until now, the two of them had quarrelled multiple times but these  eyes had the fiercest emotions amongst those times and Noel raised his guard.

Even with all this tension in the air, Ichizou still had to do his job. He timidly raised his voice.

“Ummmm, then, can I confirm the situation about the rumours of what led up to the band breaking up?”

With the same glare that was directed to Noel, Yuuki looked at Ichizou. Then he averted his gaze from the two and spoke like he was just dumping the words out.

“…….You don’t have to say all that, that was just a rumour.”

(T/N: I had a bit of problem understanding this line because it was literally translated as even if you didn’t do that, those things are just rumours. I think Yuuki was implying that Ichizou was being too formal about the whole thing.)

Both Ryou  and Junn looked at Yuuki with surprise on their faces. It was likely that Yuuki’s words came as a strong shock to them. Noel was also surprised that Yuuki said those words that easily.

Perhaps Yuuki did not dare to look Noel in the eye- he continued to talk while directing his line of sight on Ichizou.

“I guess it’s fine if I say it. We merely had a dispute  when we disbanded.”

“Oi! Yuuki!”

“Shut up!”

Ryou and Junn tried to restrain Yuuki, looking like they did not agree, but the latter raised his voice angrily for the first time today.

“Ah! Wa, wait a minute! Are you seriously telling us that?”

“Get a grip.”

Yuuki turned his head back once, glared at Ichizou and then at Noel—it was a glare that was full of resentment.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore….I get irritated just looking at you.”

After saying that, Yuuki opened the door and left, taking Ryou and Junn with him. Just like how he said he did not want to have anything to do with Noel anymore, he walked off briskly as though he wanted to leave Noel as soon as he could even if it was just mere moment sooner.

Right before the door closed, Yuuki stopped in his tracks and without even turning his head, he left a few words for Noel.

“You’re annoying.”

Those were the words that Yuuki said to Noel just before they disbanded. That time, those words made Noel snap and he hit Yuuki. But this time, he felt that  Yuuki’s voice was not just one of frustration. More than his anger towards Noel, behind there was….

The door closed and even though he could not see those three any more, Noel still continues to stare at the doorway they walked out of. Ichizou peered over at Noel’s expression.

“Noel? They’re gone, you can relax already, right?”

(T/N: another one that sounds weird in English. It’s supposed to be “how long more are you going to put your guard up?”)

Ichizou asked with a curious tone then Noel noticed that he himself was still  on the alert.

“They have already left……Is there something wrong though?”

“Did they really, leave?”

He had thought that he was going to receive a punch from them. No, even if it did not go that far, it should have escalated to a bigger quarrel. However, the situation did not end up being a quarrel.

Moreover, Yuuki’s tone of voice at the end. The words were meant to be offensive but Noel felt that within the voice were additional  feelings that were not directed at him.

While still directing his line of sight at the door, Noel let out a sigh.

“I don’t think they’re just going to back down so easily……how much do they hate me anyway. Well whatever, it’s not as though I wanted them to like me.”

He really thought it would be great if “The Nighthawk Star” reached them as well. However, he did not forget how he was treated by them before.  However, he had already agreed internally that those two matters were separate issues and that thought surprised even himself.

Ichizou made a wry smile when he heard what Noel said.

“They dislike you but I wonder if they also acknowledged your ability?”

“Those guys……?”

Noel said as he tilted his head, looking doubtful. But now that he thought back about it, the strong emotion within their eyes were more of regret rather than anger.

“Even so, it’s not something they can accept……?”

His former members probably did not want to acknowledge Noel’s ability.

It was not as though Noel could not understand those feelings. The jealously, envy and so on made them impatient and brought them distress.

— why am I the only one?

They were unable to sort out those feelings unless they placed the fault on others. Noel also remembered those unreasonable and unpleasant feelings that he did not know how to handle.

What he wanted at that time was a chance to change the situation. For those guys, it was the Paracon ranking that had clearly showed them Noel’s ability.

(Could it be… that Yuuki… only wanted a motive to give up…?)

There probably was no longer any opportunity to check anymore. At least for the moment.

Was it really over. Were they going to reveal the truth with their own mouths? — it was nothing more than his intuition but Noel no longer had a heavy weight weighing down on his chest anymore.

*

Yuuki quickly walked out of the building where the studio was located in. He wanted to get away from that guy [Noel] as soon as he could.— he continued to  walk only with that single thought in mind. Ryou and Junn who were behind home came over to stop him.

“Oi, wait.”

“Is it alright like this?”

Yuuki’s shoulder was grabbed by Junn. He finally stopped in his tracks and nodded.

“We might be able to drag him down. But……”

Yuuki stared at Ryou and Junn in turn and then spoke while clenching his fists.

“…. Do you really think the current us can even compare with current Noel?”

That instant, Ryou’s and Junn’s eyes also overfilled with the same frustration as Yuuki’s.

They had believed that Noel had the the same level of ability as themselves. That was why they were furious about why only that guy got a debut when the debut was decided. But they quickly made light of the situation – it would not sell well anyway. Thinking that he was supposed to be equal to them in terms of ability, the three looked down on Noel.

In all seriousness, it was the talk about ideals that watered down on them who just wanted to have fun. They thought that kind of person should not be able to sell.

However the reality was that there was a producer – the mysterious musician who became a popular topic and a backing band with skill. In a short moment, Noel became well known and his existence widened.

Even though they had been saying that it was just because the backing band carried weight, they still could not forgive themselves no matter what. Why was it not them who was standing over there?

–Since they were unable to reach that place, then they might as well drag him down.

Jealousy and anger drove them to only have that kind of thought. But in a corner of their mind, they knew that such an action has no meaning.

During the debut memorial event for VANISHING STARLIGHT, they had gone to the event area to cause some interference. Noel came out and without saying much, he started to sing immediately.

In an instant, the thoughts of causing a problem disappeared from their minds and they could only stand there, paralysed with amazement. The time they came back to their senses was the instant the sound from the microphone got cut off—They had asked an acquaintance to cut off the connection to the microphone in the middle of the song and that was the time the plan was carried out. Even so, that interference did not pose much difficulty—no, rather, without much thought, Noel managed to overcome the interference.

Together with a skilled band, the former band member of theirs [Noel] managed to get the arena’s attention as though the trouble was caused by himself and he sang with all he had, full of confidence.

“I… can’t imagine ourselves being his equal at this moment.”

When they formed a group with Noel, they told themselves that they were good enough, they should just have fun and turned their eyes away from their own skills. They had a fair amount of popularity and believed they would look lame if they practiced desperately just as Noel had.

They truly wanted to improve. They truly wanted to go to that same place as Noel, to be on stage, commanding a presence among the audience.

— even if I die, as long as I’m alive, I’ll burn until the end!

The last phrase of the song they heard at the event. Noel’s voice as he yelled as though he did not care if he burned out could not leave their heads.

Noel kept chasing after his ideals until he could grasp them in his hands. Even when they tried to get in his way, he overcame it and got third in Paracon charts. All these ridiculously huge results came before him.

They did not want to acknowledge Noel’s ability—but at the same time they had to acknowledge the reality that they could not even hold a candle to Noel.

It was vexing. They did not want to lose.

The feeling creeped around their bodies.

“Hey there, gentlemen.”

(T/N:translating ねえ君達 while keeping the Revo-ish air)

A voice called out to Yuuki and the other two while they stood on the spot. They turned in the direction of the voice and over there was a man clad in jet black clothes.

VANISHING STARLIGHT’s producer, Revo.

Yuuki was taken aback by being greeted by such a man but he still glared at the other party.

“What business do you have with us?”

“The three of your were Noel’s former band members, correct? I saw that you came over to the debut event, are you all still on good terms?  Noe-Noe had friends, huh.”

 Revo muttered quietly with a teasing tone. While holding back Ryou and Junn who were demanding what he meant, Yuuki directed his words at Revo.

“….Why, did you only choose Noel?”

He could not see through the pitch-black sunglasses he was facing. But as he got the sensation that the other party who was looking over could see through everything, his hand got clammy.

“It seems that all of you already know the answer to that, haven’t you?”

Revo said that with a calm smile and turned his back towards them. Then right after that, he turned his towards Yuuki and the other two as though he remembered something.

“If you ever have thoughts of surpassing Noel, you can give me a call. When the time comes when all of you are able to channel those feelings with no place to go into music, that song should be able to reach me as well.”

Despite the strange appearance and frivolous tone, for some reason, they could believe those words.

–This man was the producer who found Noel. I feel that I can really reach him if I really come up with a song that surpasses Noel’s.

After Revo’s back disappeared from their sight, Yuuki’s gaze met with Ryou’s and Junn’s and he nodded.

“….Let’s do this.”

For that sake, the first thing they had to break off from Noel’s flickering shadow.

*

Yuuki and the other two had left, Ichizou was typing a whole bunch of words on his smartphone next to Noel who was exhausted. It was a strangely long essay but it did not seem to be addressed to the agency because Ichizou had called them earlier. When Noel looked at Ichizou’s hand, the latter raised his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“That. What are you typing?”

“Ah, this? I’m sending out information. I said so earlier. It’s to give our gratitude to the fans for “The Nighthawk Star” making it to third place of the Paracon Weekly Ranking for the first time.

“You’re not writing anything unnecessary, are you?”

“I am not! Ah, Noel, you should write something too.”

“Eh……Wh, what are you saying. I have to write?!”

Noel had just started off with a thoughtless conversation then a ridiculous screw ball got thrown back at him. However, Ichizou just let out a chuckle when he saw Noel acting like that.

“You don’t have to think too much about it. Whatever you cannot express through words, you might be able to do it through text, right?”

Just as Noel was grumbling over his dilemma on whether to write or not, a notification sound came from the smartphone that Ichizou was holding. Ichizou’s eyes widened in that instant and he then traced some words with them.

Then he suddenly raised his head and thrust the smartphone’s display in front of Noel’s eyes.

“Noel, look!”

“Woah!”

Having something shoved right in his face made his bend backwards in surprise but he still took the smartphone from Ichizou. Then, when Noel saw the lines of words on the display, his eyes grew wide as well.

What Ichizou showed him was a page from a major social media site. The name and photo belonged to Yuuki. There also seemed to be an activity record. The topic title was “To my dear fans” was written there.

“That guy sure is polite on the internet….”

While feeling irate that Yuuki was being sly in this kind of situation, Noel moved on to read the main text and then his eyes widened.

[Lately, there were rumours about our former band member, Noel, being violent against us. Those claims are false. No one got hospitalised either. It is true that we had some dispute when the disbanding happened but the reason was the difference in direction and we all agreed to break up the band. We may be taking a different path from Noel but we plan to rise up in our own way.]

They had denied the rumours clearly and simply explained what happened during the incident. It was without doubt an article that fulfilled the promise they made with Noel.

Noel finished reading the short article but he continued to stare at the display.

“……they really kept their word.”

“Do you doubt them?”

“Well…”

Without being awkward about it, Noel nodded his head readily and scanned over Yuuki’s article once more.

He could sense Yuuki’s intentions and pride from this article. Clearing up the rumours, making it clear that the path he was walking was different from Noel’s and the determination of not wanting to lose to Noel. As though he was reading a declaration of war, a small smile tugged on Noel’s face.

“When we were in a band together, this wasn’t the kind of thing those guys would say.”

“Then maybe they were affected by you and “The Nighthawk Star”, Noel. Though they probably didn’t notice it themselves.”

“…. that’s good in any case.”

In the end they were opponents he could not end up thinking favourably of, but if “The Nighthawk Star” gave them the opportunity to change, that brought him a simple joy.

“Then, the matter is settled. Even though there might be some noise here and there, Noel, it would be bad if you concern yourself with it, alright?”

“From the start, I wasn’t even concerned.”

Rather than that, what bothered him now was—

Ichizou seemed to also realise that Noel could not calm down and he stared at the other party, tilting his head to the side.

“Noel? Is something still on your mind?”

“No, it’s not like that….”

Ichizou was relieved as the matter about the rumours came to a conclusion for the time being so it did not strike him at once about what Noel was going on about. Seeing that Ichizou has a puzzled look, Noel let out a sigh to calm himself down and then spoke.

“I’m really delighted about getting third place on the Paracon rankings but…. Is third place acceptable? For that guy [Revo].”

All the hurdles that Revo had requested for till now were not matters that had been cleared without a hitch. The results from the Paracon ranking was a reliable indicator, but was Noel enough of a “musician” to carry out that “favour”? That judgement was up to Revo.

Upon hearing Noel’s statements, Ichizou’s eyes grew wide and raised his voice.

“That shouldn’t be the case, right?! You got third place for your debut album! If he can’t accept such a feat, I will raise a protest against Revo-san!”

“I can’t count on you to do that.”

“Yes, you can!”

Dismissing Ichizou’s spirit as a joke, Noel turned his head away and smiled slightly.

The clock came into his line of sight. It was the early morning when the ranking results came out. He still had not received any contact from Revo.

“I mean, I wonder if that guy even knows.”

“I believe he should. I announced it on LANE once I knew.”

“……you did that?”

“I did that.”

In other words, Revo should know the results as well. With a bright expression, Ichizou made a thumbs up sign and looked towards a nervous Noel.

“By the way, I already made arrangements to hold a celebration. We’ll go to my family’s restaurant at seven tonight. I’ll sent that message to Revo-san as well.”

“Since when did you do all that?! I mean, wouldn’t it be troubling if we just did that all of a sudden?”

“Don’t worry, I already reserved it for private use some time before so it’s fine & fine.”

It seemed like despite being a nervous wreck earlier while looking at the ranking results, Ichizou had already perfectly made arrangements for celebrating early on.

Noel showed a strained smile, then Ichizou abruptly raised his eyebrows.

“But Revo-san seems pretty busy lately. Just when I thought he had come over, before I realised it, he had gone somewhere else again.”

Ichizou’s casual words made Noel recall that Revo was absent even more before this…… now that he thought about it, that guy did barge into the middle of a radio show before.

“You don’t know the reason?”

“Yeah, I don’t know the reason…. This is true & true!!”

Just after Revo disappeared, Ichizou was still keeping in touch with him. If he knew, he should have just said “I know”.

Ichizou waved his hands about desperately trying to prove his innocence as Noel glared at him with a hard stare.

“He said he was going to produce some works for the world that’s “over there”. Isn’t it like that?”

“Even if he said over there, we wouldn’t understand!”

“In any case, I just believed he was probably not within the country.”

Noel also nodded in agreement to that statement. Then there was a knock on the door. Ichizou opened the door and standing there was Revo.

“Ah, Revo-san!—Eh, um……”

Revo dodged past Ichizou and without any words or expression—though that being said, one would not be able to be sure of his expression because of his sunglasses— came into the room and stood in front of Noel.

“Wh, what—“

Because Revo was usually quite mild mannered, so when Noel was faced with the other party being silent without a smile, he became strangely nervous. He could feel the overwhelming pressure from the dark clothing.

Revo suddenly raised his hands and stuck them in front of Noel. Before Noel could identify the item that was within Revo’s hands—

BANG!

“T…….!”

“Wahhhhh?!”

Noel did not make a sound while Ichizou let out a yell, cowering. After the sound was made, long ribbons and fluttering pieces of paper confetti landed on Noel’s head.

Both Noel and Ichizou could not react to the unforeseen circumstances and Revo suddenly let out a broad grin.

“Noel, congratulations for making it to third place on the Paracon Weekly Ranking Charts! Sorry, sorry. I came late because I was looking for this. When it comes to celebrations, it has to be this!”

Revo spoke with a voice that had no sense of tension and then pulled out another party popper from his pockets, making another round of loud noise. Ichizou jumped in surprise again behind Revo but as for Noel, when more ribbons and confetti fell on his head, a vein popped up on his forehead.

His heart had not stopped beating loudly from the first loud noise. The rising anger within Noel drove him to yell at Revo as though he was going to thrash the other party.

“Noisy! I’m going to blow your sunglasses up, you son of a bitch! Do you even need such a thing?!”

“Yes, I do. When celebrating, this is a necessary item to surprise you with, Noe-Noe. Or would you prefer a banquet of a hundred roses?”

“I don’t need either of those! You’re just trying to freak me out, right?!”

“Fu fu fu.”

“Stop laughing!“

Yelling once more at Revo who just laughed without denying his deeds straightforwardly, Noel haphazardly swept off the ribbons and confetti that rested upon his head.

Noel stared at the glittering confetti that landed on the floor next to his feet. Now was the time for Noel to hesitate.

Was he really going to request something? Of me.

“……I got third place on Paracon.”

Noel intentionally spoke of a matter that the other party already knew.

“Yes, you did.”

Revo nodded.

Noel steeled his will and raised his head to look at Revo. Then he spoke.

“The matter you wanted to request….is third place enough for you to let me know the request?”

There were people above him. He could not reach the first place.

“I didn’t get firs……”

In the middle of what Noel was saying, Revo shook his head slowly.

“If there was a ranking among music, then it only exists in each person’s heart. Apart from that, you can’t keep doing music just by going by your ideals and what you want to do.”

With a calm tone, words that carried a lot of meaning were weaved together and said to Noel.

“The reason why I said it was up to the results was because, for you to continue making music from now on, those numbers are necessary.”

Those numbers were necessary to continue. Noel received the message. Those numbers were not won by Noel, there were given to him by people who supported him.

Noel stared at Revo’s eyes, which could not be seen but were present behind the sunglasses, did not say anything and merely nodded firmly.

With a smile, Revo stuck his hand out towards Noel—unintentionally, the moment when of that hand passing him “The Nighthawk Star” on the day they first met revived in his mind.

Noel raised his head, looking away from Revo’s hand and staring at the other party’s sunglasses. The moment their gazes met, Revo spoke.

“Allow me to say it once more. I have a request for you, a musician.”

“………!”

The blood in his body grew hot and coursed through his body.

“Yeah! Leave it to me!”

He did not hide his elation. That was fine. Noel spoke loudly and grabbed Revo’s hand.

Then right after that, a grin appeared on Revo’s face.

“Should you really be agreeing to this so easily~?”

“Eh……”

Seeing Revo’s teasing smile, Noel felt slightly daunted and wanted to pull his hand back but Revo had put more strength in his hand as though he did not want Noel to escape.

“Wh, what. Is it some dangerous matter? Let go already……!”

“But I already heard your reply with my own ears~ A cooling off period does not apply in this case, don’t you agree~?”

He was being messed around by Revo who had completely gone into teasing mode but from the start, Noel had no intention of refusing.

Noel had already returned a strong grip of his own to Revo’s hand.

“You have a request for me as a musician. If so, I’ll do whatever I can! Even things that are beyond what you can imagine!”

A somewhat satisfied chuckle  split out of Revo when he heard Noel’s words.

“That enthusiasm is great….To think that at first, I wasn’t going to let you have an option of saying no.”

After saying that without hesitation, Revo finally released his hand.

“I don’t need that anyway! So what is it? Your request that is.”

“Ahh, actually—”

Casually evading Noel’s enthusiastic spirit, Revo started talking in a relaxed manner. However, the contents were not something that could be considered relaxing and Noel stared with his eyes wide open. Ichizou who had been quiet since was at a loss for words to what Revo had to say.

The contents of Revo’s “request” were things that were beyond both Noel and Ichizou’s expectations.

*

“—Right, please tell me about whatever activities you have from now on, even if you can only reveal a bit.”

At the end of the interview, Eiji said as such and with a “Pan!”, clapped his hands together in front of Noel.

Noel and Ichizou with Eiji seated across of them were at a table that was right at the back of a café. It was a table in a café but as there was a partition, people at other tables could not see them and since that corner was distanced away from other tables, their voices could not be heard either.

It was a low-key space but it was surprising that this flashy Eiji would know of such a low-key café. When Eiji was told that,

“There’s all kind of distractions in a flashy shop, right? You can’t calm down if you had to do an interview there.”

It was slightly shocking to be replied with such an earnest answer. Even with a flashy appearance, he was a man who took his job seriously.

It seemed like Eiji had used this place for his interviews countless times and he and the shop owner became acquaintances. Now this became Eiji’s go-to place for interviews.

Noel gave a strained smile as he looked at Eiji who still had his hands clapped together then he looked at Ichizou who was next to him.

“……Is it alright if I talk about this?”

“Well, I already got a green light from Revo-san.”

Ichizou replied while smiling and Eiji raised his head, eyes sparkling.

Noel told Eiji about the contents of the “Request as a Musician” that he got from Revo.

“That Sunglasses said he wants me to perform in the opening act of the fan club event that marks Sound Horizon’s tenth anniversary since their major debut on October 26^th and 27^th.”

“Really?! Of course, you accepted it?!”

“Of course I did.”

Doing an audio recording as well, Eiji pen raced across the memo paper without him being too frantic. As Eiji raised his head from the memo that probably only he could read, he fired off questions with momentum.

“Sound Horizon, that would be the band that Revo-cchi is doing production from, right? What kind of band is it?”

“Wasn’t that the last question? Whatever. I don’t know much about it yet either.”

“Is that so? Well, Revo-cchi is the producer. I listened to [Mother] and from that I could tell that this is some outrageous band~ I wanna go see as well~”

Eiji looked towards them with a twinkling sparkling gaze but it was only decided that Noel would have a performance in the event. Both he and Noel had not heard anything from Revo about how they were going to get there. Noel and Ichizou exchanged troubled glances then Eiji changed the topic.

“Then then, what songs are you going to sing there? Of course you are going to sing [The Nighthawk Star] right? How about the coupling track [Mother]?”

(T/N: I may be the only stupid person who doesn’t know this but coupling tracks refers to tracks that are not the title track – In this case, [The Nighthawk Star] is the title track.)

“Of course I’ll sing it. In addition, I plan to cover a few of Sound Horizon’s songs.”

“I wanna listen~!……Hm?!”

 With a look as though it was just before the live, Eiji said as such but he suddenly looked down at his own memo and then with a sharp look, stared at Noel.

“October 26^th and 27^th ….of this year?!”

“Yeah, it is, but we haven’t even had any rehearsal.”

“Isn’t that soon–?! What about that, the tickets?! I also have to get ready to be part of it, Noel~! Where is the event being held?!”

“I haven’t been told…where….”

Finally, Eiji’s desires were spoken with all his might and he clung onto Noel, but Noel was still uneasy about how to reply.

*

Noel and Ichizou came to a room of the publishing company that the music magazine [SOUND AROUND] was a part of, for an interview. Yamaguchi’s composed voice rang out within the room.

“—so among the numerous songs under Sound Horizon, I would like to ask why you chose the song titled [Mother]? Noel-san, was it you yourself who chose it, or did Revo-san approach you about it?”

Upon hearing Yamaguchi’s question, Noel was troubled for a moment before he replied.

“Let’s see, it’s both? That guy (Revo) asked if I wanted to try doing a song cover so he let me listen to various songs from Sound Horizon and then from there, I chose the song that I would like to sing the most. Why I chose that….”

Noel stopped mid-way in his sentence but Yamaguchi did not rush him to continue at all. Keeping his eyes down, Yamaguchi merely told Noel to take his time to think about it and calmly waited for the answer.

“….. honestly, I don’t know.”

Yamaguchi opened his eyes that were casted downwards, looked at Noel and gave a small response. Noel spoke under a gaze that urged him to continue.

“But the song I wanted to sing the most was this one. It’s just my gut feeling….it wouldn’t be bad to just follow my intuition. Now, I’m glad I chose this song.”

“Intuition—that’s great.”

Yamaguchi said it  as though it was a praise but a self-mocking strained smile just rose on Noel’s face.

“…. You want to say it’s a wild instinct, right? I think the same too.”

“Fu fu. Noel-san, indeed, you do have a strong instinct. However, that is evidence that your body and your heart reacted to the song and you think you’re  comfortable with it?”

“Ah, well…. I suppose so.”

When he heard that song, he just thought that he wanted to sing it, without giving further consideration.

“It’s a fairly common incident for one’s body to move before they think.”

While thinking that the statement only applied to himself, Noel looked at Yamaguchi with a serious expression and spoke.

“That seems unlikely for you though.”

“Dear me. It’s not like that.”

Taking Noel’s words in his stride, Yamaguchi spoke with a calm voice and smiled. In the end, it was probably not like that at all, but still, there was a bit of yearning in his heart.

(T/N: Yamaguchi is actually not the type to act on his gut feeling but he wished that he was.)

“I will definitely go for Sound Horizon’s fan club event. Noel-san, I would like to witness you sing [Mother] with my own eyes. But is it possible for us to go watch? Where is the event being held?”

“Ummmm….how should I put it? I haven’t heard about the place  before either.”

Perhaps Yamaguchi would know. While Yamaguchi looked perplexed, Noel told him the name of the place.

*

“As for the coupling tracks, what do you think of singing a cover of some songs?”

Revo said during the discussion of making coupling tracks to accompany [The Nighthawk Star]. Noel’s eyes grew round at the sudden statement then he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Revo opened his mouth first before Noel could say anything.

“With that said, I’m not making light of your ability to make music. This has been something I wished for since a while back.”

“Wish?”

Noel frowned when he heard something he had not expected.

“I wanted you to sing my songs.”

“Your songs……? Me?”

Was it alright for him to take that as an acknowledgement of him as a singer? Noel missed the chance to ask—when he thought about it later on, at this point in time, Revo had already saw Noel as a “Musician”.

“I wonder what kind of chemical reactions would occur if you covered songs from Sound Horizon – I do production for them. There’s a few songs which have been performed live but have yet to be compiled in an album. Why don’t you choose one of those songs, Noe-noe? Of course, if there isn’t anything that you like then we can make one from scratch.”

Of course, Noel wanted to make a brand-new song. But he also wanted, just even once, to listen to the songs produced by Revo as Sound Horizon. He ruminated upon the situation for a bit but in the end, his curiosity won.

“……putting aside the matter of whether I’ll sing them or not, I want to listen to those songs.”

Revo nodded with a smile when he heard Noel’s words.

“Of course. Anyway, here you go—“

“Were you already prepared to do this?!”

Several CDs were stacked up in front of Noel. It seemed like no matter what happened, Revo intended for Noel to listen to them.

While looking at Revo in the direction of the CDs, Noel muttered a few words.

“…. Only if there’s something I like.”

“Yeah. If you force yourself to sing, no one will want to listen to such a restricted song.”

When Noel returned to his own apartment, he changed his clothes and inserted the CD into his audio player. In order to be able to concentrate on the sound, he kept his room lights off. With his only source of light being a flashlight, he placed headphones over his ears. Noel closed his eyes and focused on Revo’s music. Soon after, even if he did not intend to focus, he realized he was already immersed in the music.

“Ah–……shit.”

In the pause between songs, Noel removed his headset and hung it around his neck, cursing.

A world was breathing in that song. He was drawn in as though he was within it.

Suppressing the feelings of vexation that was welling up, he placed his headset against his ears once more and played the next song.

A woman’s singing voice rode on the sound of a guitar with a fast tempo. A mysterious and somewhat sad song was performed. A mysterious youth walked alone in the streets at night. When the image of the boy’s back appeared in the back of his eyes.

–This is the one.

“I want to sing this.”

The words naturally spilled out.

Noel looked at the song title and saw it was called [Mother]. He made a face. As though to prevent the dark feelings within his chest from bubbling up, he shook his head to go past it.

It was not because of him being abandoned by his own mother. The lyrics had nothing to do with that.

“But, why [Mother]?”

He wanted to sing the song, but was it possible for him to accept these lyrics. It was probably not going to be easy. But more than that, he wanted to sing this song.

“….I wonder if this song also made by that guy (Revo) for the sake of someone?”

With that in mind, he felt that he should take his intuition of wanting to sing this song seriously.

*

“—Noel-sama? Is something wrong?”

In a room of a building where the editorial department of the magazine [V-ROCK HEAVEN] was situated. Marie peered at Noel, who was spacing out, in a worried manner.

“No…it’s just that I recalled the moment when I chose this song for a bit.”

That impact that he felt at the time he listened to [Mother] was not something he encountered often. No, it might be better to say that was the first time he felt that.

Other than the songs that he made himself, there had never been a song that he wanted to sing that much.

“Are you tired? It’s alright if you take a short break, okay?”

“I’m fine. The songs to be sung have already been decided and the rehearsal for the celebratory event is going well too.”

“So you have been busy….?”

“I definitely have a lot on my plate but it’s worth it.”

The elation that rose up within his chest filled his body with a sense of fulfilment. Even the fatigue was a comforting feeling. That feeling that filled him caused his expression to soften without realising it and his voice bounced.

Marie stared carefully at Noel who was acting like that.

“Wh, what……?”

“No, nothing!”

A few days later, the article that Marie wrote had this statement-“Noel said that while having the pure smile like that of a youth”. The publication office gave a green light to the article and it got published, but Noel at this point of time did not know this.

Marie returned a smile that was genuine to Noel.

“I really looked forward to seeing you having fun, Noel-sama.”

“…. It can’t be helped, can it?”

Noel averted his gaze sullenly when he saw Marie smiling. There were not a lot of ladies who smiled at Noel in such a manner. Noel was more used to Marie compared to other women but he did not know what was a good way to react at this moment.

“So, where is this tenth anniversary event going to be held?”

“I don’t know the place either.”

“? You haven’t been informed yet?”

“It’s not that. That guy told me the place but I don’t know where it is. It seems like it’s called LINE CUBE SHIBUYA.”

Marie tilted her head when he replied as such. Everyone else did not seem to know that place either. He tried to research about it several times but no results about such a place turned up. He thought it might be someplace overseas but seems like he was mistaken.

“I don’t think that guy is lying to me though……”

Marie gulped, holding her hand to her mouth.

“Then, as expected, the hear-say that Revo-sama is from another world……?”

“Yeah. I find it hard to believe myself too but that’s what he does. I think that’s the location….besides, it doesn’t matter which world the place is at. That’s a trivial matter.”

“Eh?”

After saying that, Noel just smiled without a thought. Watching Noel’s behaviour, Marie tilted her head.

“I heard from Sunglasses that there are people over there who are waiting for me. Even if it’s a different world, I’m going to sing and make my song reach them with all I can.”

Speaking with determination, Noel clenched his fists as though to hold those words tightly within himself.

(Since that guy(Revo) said so, my songs are going to reach those people, no matter who they are.)

The trust he got from the other party gave strength to Noel’s self confidence. It was not as though he was not uneasy but he felt that he could do it and it was inevitable that he was excited.

“….that’s so like you, Noel-sama.”

Marie smiled when she heard Noel’s words but suddenly her shoulders slumped down.

“What, is something the matter?”

“But, if it’s in another world then we won’t be able to go….ahh….I wanted to burn the image of Noel-sama into my eyes so much….!”

Marie let out a sigh while her shoulders were still down. Seeing how Marie was giving an expression that she felt it was a pity, Noel let out a small smile then showed a stunned look before she noticed.

“…. I thought you were going to say that too. I’m negotiating with Sunglasses at the moment.”

At that instant, Marie’s face lit up and she raised her head.

“Oh my! Really?…. me “too”?”

Marie blinked, her eyelashes fluttering as she stared at Noel, puzzled.”

“Eiji was being noisy about it while Yamaguchi said he wanted to watch… So I thought, in any case, you were gonna say it too. Also….”

Feeling the uncomfortable stare of Marie’s eyes, Noel turned his face away from her.

“Um….I received a lot of help from you guys.”

Marie, Yamaguchi and Eiji, in no small way, supported and helped Noel, assisting in his growth. More than anything, they believed in Noel’s songs. He wanted to let them know that his songs could reach others, even in another world.

“Noel-sama….”

Without thinking, Noel turned his gaze back to Marie when he heard her quaking voice. Marie laced her fingers together in front of her chest and with teary eyes that showed her gratitude, she stared at Noel.

“….I’m saying you can do some interviews there! That’s why!”

Noel averted his gaze again in a flustered manner, but it was the truth that he had some expectations of them, who were reporters by trade. Once they listened to, watched and felt Noel’s songs, they would surely share these songs with even more people. Noel harboured such conviction like expectations. They would definitely let more people know about Noel’s songs, more than he expected.

With those expectations, Noel shot a strong gaze at Marie.

“I will definitely put up a great show for those people who come, so I’ll be counting on you guys this time too, ok?”

Marie raised her head after using a lace trimmed black handkerchief that had the letter “M” embroidered on it to wipe her tears. She had clearly felt Noel’s eyes on her. With eyes filled with a sense of duty, the tears in her eyes sparkled differently.

“Leave it to me! I will show off Noel-sama’s best performance! I will write the best article!”

Marie patted her own bosom and showed a confident expression. Noel also nodded.

(Hm……?)

Suddenly, his eyes stopped on Marie’s handkerchief. Something about the handkerchief with embroidery of flowers and the letter “M” caught his attention. He felt like he saw it somewhere before  but the lady had already kept the handkerchief and asked the next question for the interview, chasing the thought to the corner of his mind.

*

[Tenth Anniversary of Sound Horizon’s Major Debut Fanclub Celebration]

There was merely a week left to the largest public performance Noel had ever done till now. He did not know where he was going nor did he know how to get there. However, the rehearsals were repeated and it was at a state that required the highest degree of perfection…… Sometimes he had suspicions that this was all a dream. To get rid of those feelings of doubt, he asked Revo and the other members where they were going and how to get there, however every single one of them showed a mischievous teasing smile and did not give a clear answer. However, he could sense from their reaction that the current situation was neither a lie nor a dream and carrying a peculiar sense of ease, he was able rehearse again.

On a certain day when the rehearsal for the celebratory event was going well.

Revo clapped his hands loudly twice.

“Ok. Let’s wrap it up for today.”

A “thank you for your hard work” rose in unison once he said that.

Noel grabbed the edge of Revo’s coat from behind. As he had just finished singing, he looked at the other party with his shoulders still heaving.

“I…. still, can, sing so……”

Even though they had been going on since the afternoon, it was not even seven yet. He wanted to sing more, to hone the performance even more. As though to hold down Noel who was restless, with a thump, Revo patted Noel’s shoulders.

“Yes yes. It’s also important to rest your body properly. Your priorities will be skewed if you aren’t able to sing that day, right?”

“Ugh….”

After being evaded lightly, Noel let out a groan of frustration, released his hand from Revo’s coat and backed down on the spot. Revo then started talking to the members of VANISHING STARLIGHT about something.

Noel had heard that the other members of VANISHING STARLIGHT had their own individual activities. They had gone to “the other world where LINE CUBE SHIBUYA “ was earlier before together with Revo.

Noel changed his clothes and rested in the dressing room then there was a knock in the door. Ichizou, who was with him, opened the door with a smile without even checking who it was. Somehow or another, it should be a guest who made a prior appointment.

Over there was a basket of flowers – probably a flower arrangement- being held by Marie. This had happened before.

“Good evening, Noel-sama. I came to deliver this. Here you go.”

“Is it from your friend again? That’s quick.”

“Nope. I suppose this is from one of your fans? I’m sure these are flowers to show that they have always been supporting you.”

There were stunning pure white lilies. Surrounding them were blooms of small, light violet flowers. Those two colours were made even more prominent by the vibrant green leaves around them.

Noel did not know what flowers they were as he was not knowledgeable about them. However his eyes were fixed, not on the main flowers – the white lilies, but on the small light violet flowers with thin petals that surrounded them.

—he got goosebumps instantaneously and there was a feeling of anxiety within his chest. However, he did not understand why the feeling soon disappeared. Noel tilted his head and pressed his hand against his chest.

“If it’s not from you guys then who is it from?”

After Noel asked the question, Marie furrowed her brows, feeling troubled and replied.

“I’m not that clear about the details.”

“You’re not clear?”

Marie used the tip of her finger to scoop up the faint violet flowers that bloomed around the lilies.

“A letter came together with a registered mail with the payment. The letter stated that these flowers- they’re called Shion—were to be included and they requested for a flower arrangement that was possible with the money sent. Then they added on that they wanted these to be addressed to your agency, Noel-sama. There were no details written on the letter. But since the money has already been received, just ignoring it is….”

(T/N: shion- 紫苑. In English they are called Asters. In Japan, the flower language is remembrance.)

When she spoke to that point, Marie’s brows slanted downwards as she looked at Noel. Why was she making that face—right now, what kind of expression did he have on his face? Marie spoke, sounding worried.

“Noel-sama, if this is bothering you, I can take it back.”

Hearing that, Ichizou also became anxious and he spoke to Noel.”

“Marie-san’s—I mean, I heard that her acquaintance’s shop did flower arrangements so I thought it would make things more lively…do you dislike it?”

“No…it’s not that.”

Noel showed a smile and both Marie and Ichizou appeared relieved.

Noel was relieved that he could smile so skilfully. Then he got perplexed about why he would be relieved about just smiling in the first place. Something like smiling should be a simple action.

The light violet flowers fluttered in Noel’s field of view—when he saw those flowers, he felt something buzzing within his chest.

“They must have been nervous to give flowers to the person they admire. I’m sure that’s why they forgot to write their own name.”

Marie said, then suddenly, Noel seemed to realise something and he turned his gaze to her.

“Speaking of which, why do you know the details?”

In an instant, the blood drained from Marie’s face but she smiled calmly and answered in a chatty manner.

“I heard it from my friend from the flower shop. You know, the one I spoke about last time, your fan, Noel-sama. She’s a friend since my childhood days and I’m almost like a child from her household. Because I’m acquainted with you, I delivered these in her place.”

“….I see.”

“Noel-sama….?”

While he asked, Noel had noticed that more than half of Marie’s words were pointless. Marie seemed to notice it too and as expected, she looked over in a worried manner.

There was no way he could calm himself down to even think about other matters. The buzzing in his chest was growing steadily.

(A letter….)

To Noel, letters are a terrible memory.

–He found it on the day of his grandmother’s funeral, a battered letter. Even now, that was in the depths of his mind. He remembered it clear as day like it was carved within his brain but right now it was put in the back of his grandmother’s drawer which he could also remember.

(….That’s what it should be, but yet……)

He noticed that the buzzing in his chest right now was similar to the time when he thought about the letter.

Noel shook his head as though to shake off that thought.

(Like I said…what the hell. I’m not a child anymore. I’m strong, I survived on my own.)

Without any support or help, he decided to live by himself. Therefore.

As though to confront the buzzing within his chest, Noel turned his body and gaze towards the flowers. Then while staring at the faint purple petals, he asked Marie.

“….That letter, did you see it as well? Was anything else written on it?”

“Ye, yes. I seen it as well but there wasn’t anything else….”

“Is it written by hand?”

“Noel-sama, is there someone who comes to mind?”

Hearing Marie’s question, Noel thought for a bit and nodded.

I want to believe that that wasn’t the case. It should not be the case. But even by the slimmest chance….

(No. Even if it turns out that way, I will overcome it.)

He was already fed up with his fear about that letter that was tucked in the back of his mind. Right now, he should possess the strength to overcome it. More than anything, he did not want to go to the celebration even while he still had this discomposed feeling. There were people there waiting for his songs.

Noel raised his head that he had lowered and stared at Marie with a tough gaze.

“I would like to see that letter too. Can you help me with that?….If possible, as soon as possible.”

“I, I understand. Um….did I……”

Uneasiness was reflected in a perplexed Marie’s eyes as Noel spoke to her. As much as he could, he made a nonchalant expression.

“You only came over to deliver those and I’m just saying that I want to see the letter, right? You did not do anything wrong so don’t make that face.”

After Marie stared at Noel as though she was observing his expression, she gave a small nod and turned back.

“I, I get it. Then, I’ll try to get it.”

“Yeah, I’ll be counting on you.”

After Marie left the room, Noel’s body felt heavy. At some point of time, he had completely tensed up and seemed to have forgotten the fatigue from the rehearsal. Noel weakly sat down and the image of the flowers were reflected in his eyes.

“….Noel, do you think that those aren’t flowers from someone who wanted to support you? Don’t tell me you thought of someone who might do this?”

Ichizou spoke to Noel, who was staring at the light violet flowers- were they called Shion –  with a quiet tone. It was not as though an anxious person like Ichizou was not worried about Noel. After Noel’s lips relaxed a bit after seeing Ichizou like that, he replied the other party.

(T/N: the author was trying to say that Ichizou was trying to sound nonchalant with his quiet tone but kinda hard to describe it in English)

“No…..no, I want to believe that I’m mistaken. But somehow, I get the feeling that this is the time that I should face those uncertain feelings.”

“I see….”

Noel became quiet after saying those words and Ichizou also did not say anything beyond that. It was probably better to not say anything. Ichizou also did not try to gloss over the issue and kept his silence. As much as he tried not to hold a conversation, the current him probably did not make unnecessary expressions.

Noel only had a single thought which was to wait for Marie. Ichizou was also worried but decided to just follow along.

In the midst of an air of silence, there was a knock. Noel stood up and opened the door himself and behind it was Marie, who was out of breath. Marie noticed the frozen air and while feeling bewildered, entered the room.

Marie looked up at Noel, hugging a white envelope to her chest.

“Um, it’s this.”

“I suppose you didn’t meet the sender, did you?”

“Yes….the payment was sent over by mail. And this letter was put together with it.”

Marie said and she held the letter out. Noel wanted to take the letter from her—but right before he could, she took a step backwards, gently distancing herself from Noel. No, putting distance between Noel and the letter.

In front of Noel, whose eyes grew wide, Marie hugged the letter to her chest again and stared at Noel with an uneasy gaze.

“….is it really alright to pass this to you, when you’re in this state?”

For her to say something like that, did the current Noel look weak to others. Ichizou also stiffened his expression and looked over to Noel.

If it really was the person he thought it was—he could not say that he would be fine. He did not want to lie. Therefore, Noel told the worried duo how he honestly felt.

“I’m sorry for making the two of you worry. But…. I can’t help but be concerned about this.”

Noel stuck his hand out, waiting for the lady to pass the letter to him.

“I don’t want to stop in my steps. If I don’t confirm this now, I won’t be able to move forward…. Please, I’m begging you.”

Clack, the sound of Marie’s heels rang out throughout the room. Closing up the distance of one step that she made earlier, Marie placed the white envelope in Noel’s hand. Noel received and held onto the envelope firmly then spoke to Marie.

“Thank you.”

He surprised even himself when he spoke with a voice that was calmer than he had thought. Marie who was standing before him was stunned as well.

Noel looked down at the object in his hand. It was an exceedingly normal envelope. He slipped his fingers into the opening that was already torn open and clamped the letter paper between his fingers, pulling it out.

It was a single piece of letter paper that was folded into thirds. He could faintly see the words that were written with a ball point pen. It seemed like not much was written.

With cold fingertips, he unfolded the folded letter paper.

The contents that were written were to the effect of wanting to address the gift to Noel’s agency, a request to make a flower arrangement that was possible with the money that was included as well as designating Shion flowers as part of the arrangement. It was just that, just as Marie had said. There were no words of greetings or even thank yous.

However Noel’s eyes were nailed not on the meaning of the words that were written but on the actual characters themselves.

(This, is……)

His hair stood on their ends and there was a buzzing within his chest.

As though they had burst forth within his mind, the memories revived afresh. The chest of drawers left behind by his grandmother. Noel’s hands pulled open the bottom most drawer.

(Stop it….stop it, don’t do it.)

His memories were pulled out in the shape of the old dresser. Touching the cold metal, what followed next unfolded before Noel’s eyes.

(Stop….!)

Old memories that have been shut away—That was a battered letter that was so stained with liquid that it could barely be read.

–I’m sorry…mother…forgive me…Such a child should not have been born……

He had only seen it once. Even so, he could still remember the words as clear as day. Those words were similar. No, they were not just similar. Most likely, surely, definitely—they were words written by the same person.

“Ku………!”

The inside of his belly became heavy with an impact, some murky black substance was going to flow backwards to his mouth. His vision started to shake unsteadily and he fell into the sensation that his trembling body was not his own.

“Noel-sama……?”

“Noel?”

He heard voices belong to some people far away. The strong ringing in his ears and the sound of his heart coursed around in a loud volume as though there were explosions within his body and he was unable to hear them at all.

Why did this get sent at this time?

Why was the current him shaken by this kind of thing as well?

(Leaving this kind of letter, did she intend to come and meet me at this point of time…..?)

That should not be the case. He wanted to think that.

If they met—no, wasn’t this letter supposed to be the meeting on “her” behalf? Did that mean she did not want to meet directly?

When he thought to this point, Noel’s heart rate grew faster and stronger. The inside of his eyes became tightly stretched and the edges of his vision closed in. Feelings similar to terror layered within his chest and Noel’s heart rate accelerated.

(Why, of all times……! After all this time, what does she want with me……!)

The existence known as a mother had vanished from his own life. He could only remember his grandmother when it came to memories of a family. He had not heard that his mother died. But Noel had arranged within heart that anyone who was not around —was dead. If she was dead then they should not be able to meet. In the first place, there was no necessity to meet. It was fine not to meet the mother who abandoned him.

If he thought like that then in the future, he would always feel at ease, not being affected by the truth that his mother abandoned him.

(I was supposed to be able to protect myself if I did that……!)

One single letter made that all impossible.

“Noel, what’s wrong?”

“Noel-sama?!”

Voices that worried about him — he knew that those voices belonged to people who had helped him all the way till now, why was it that they brought nothing but frustration to him now?

—shut up!

Noel shouted. Because of the sound of his own heart, Noel could not hear his own voice well but he wanted to yell as loudly as he could.

Someone’s hand touched his shoulder and his body shook. With that touch, Noel’s shoulders jolted as though they had been flicked by something.

That contact with Noel’s shoulder made him remember the current situation. The people he was yelling at angrily were Ichizou and Marie.

Nothing was going to be achieved by him yelling at them, making them cower.

(Crap……)

With calmness returning to his head, Noel raised his face with a look to tell them that it was not their fault and there was nothing to worry about.

Ichizou worriedly placed his hand on Noel’s shoulder. Marie also seemed to have a pale face.

“Sor, sorry, did I startle you?”

“Noel-sama, are you feeling alr….?”

Rather than the matter that Noel had yelled at them angrily, the two looked worried about him instead. Did they think that Noel looked strange, yelling at them? However, seeing both their faces, Noel sensed that something was off.

(No….that’s wrong. Something, is weird….)

The two were only worried based on how Noel looked to them. Some as mild mannered as Ichizou and a woman like Marie should not be handling this as thought Noel did not just yell as them with all his might. Let alone, ignoring the incident completely. He did not sense that they were fearful at all, as though the reality of Noel roaring at them did not happen. It was almost as though the incident of Noel’s angry yell got cut out.

Noel looked at the two and opened his mouth, speaking like he usually did.

(Why are you two—)

The mouth that intended to say that moved but the two only tilted their heads.

(E, eh……?)

Noel’s words all left his lungs as just air and did not vibrate to become a voice.

“Noel?”

Ichizou called him and Noel moved his lips to reply but what came out was just air.

(My voice….can’t come out……?)

All he could hear was the sound of the air that came out from his mouth flowing through his throat and the sound of his teeth clicking every time he moved his lips.

(My voice…. How do I get my voice out?)

A voice should be something that came out naturally when a living thing became self-aware. The way it came out was something the body remembered, he would not know even if he thought about it with his head. He understood that his vocal chords should be vibrating but for some reason, he was unable to do it.

“Noel, hold on, are you really alright?”

Ichizou and Marie peered over worriedly. He wanted to say that there was nothing to worry about but he could not. Noel pressed his lips together tightly and nodded his head forcefully in response to Ichizou’s words.

Marie’s face was as white as a sheet. Even now, she looked like she was about to cry. Likely, she felt responsible for showing the letter. It was not her fault. Noel was the one who said he wanted to see the letter so she did not have to feel a shred of responsibility—was what he wanted to say.

Noel stood up and headed for the door. At that moment, he tapped Marie’s shoulder with his hand.

“Noel-sama—!”

Marie showed signs of wanting to apologise and Noel covered her mouth with his hand on the spur of the moment.

“……!”

There were tears brimming in those eyes.

Don’t apologise. Wanting to say that, Noel looked at her eyes and shook his head then left the room. There was no need for her to apologise. This was a problem that only belonged to Noel.

He opened the door to the toilet forcefully and reached out to the sides of the wash basin suddenly. A crumpling sound came from his hand and he noticed that at some point in time, he had clenched the letter in his hand. Without even having the energy to open the wrinkled piece of letter once more, he seemed to want to throw it away. However, as though it was a magnetic object, it could not leave his hand.

(Damn…!)

Noel slowly peeled away his tightly clenched fingers and stuffed the letter in his pocket. There was the sound of something ripping but he did not want to check.

Twisting the faucet open hard, a huge stream of water gushed from the tap and he washed his face.

(I only messed up just now. Calm down, calm down……!)

In order to calm down his heart which was still pulsing strongly, he wiped his face with his sleeve and sucked in a deep breath.

Then placing his hand against his throat, he attempted to make a noise.

“——————”

What came out of his throat was the sound of air flowing through.

In the mirror was a man opening his empty mouth and pressing against his own throat with a pathetic expression.

He had thought that he was finally released from that curse-like letter. He thought he could overcome it and be fine. He was still tormented by it like this.

He was abandoned and hurt but if he still did not want to give up on living, there would be a hand to save him. There were people who guided him down the path of singing. He was able to believe that he could leave behind evidence of being alive.

But yet.

—-I’m sorry…mother…forgive me…Such a child should not have been born……

Those words denied everything that Noel had by living.

(It has nothing to do with it….it has nothing to do with it! The fact that I manage to get to this point should not change!)

Noel gripped onto his chest tightly to prevent those things from spilling out.

At that moment, the door that led out of the toilet opened. Something was coming in. Noel who had hung his head over the wash basin like he was clinging onto it raised his head up forcefully.

–If it were his band members. If ….it was Revo.

“Noel……? Are you alright?”

Seeing that the face that peered in from the door belonged to Ichizou, Noel breathed a sigh of relief. Now that he thought about it, his band members and Revo have left the studio for quite a while. They should not be coming back given how busy they were. He was able to think about this calmly.

After Noel let out another sigh of relief, Ichizou pointed at the exit of the toilet. Guessing that there was something that Noel wanted to say, Ichizou smiled and nodded at the same time, giving a reply.

“If it’s about Marie-san, she’d gone back already. You don’t want her to worry any more than this, right? You seemed really concerned about this so I told her that I think you did not want her to feel responsible….That’s fine, right?”

Noel nodded firmly in response to Ichizou’s words.

(You’re really a manager who can do stuff.)

He probably would have said that if he could speak.

“But, you should get in touch with her to follow-up, alright? She was really worried.”

Just as usual, Ichizou said in a lecturing tone. Noel also nodded several times to signal that he understood.

“Hey, Noel. Are you listening properly? If you act like this, isn’t it going to look as though I’m talking to myself?”

Was this just his natural state or was he just being dense?

(No….either option isn’t right?)

He waited for Noel to give an angry response. He was deliberately trying to lighten the atmosphere here. But there was a limit to how much it could do.

Ichizou lowered his eyes that had a moment of resolution then from the back of his red rimmed glasses, he stared at Noel.

“Noel……why aren’t you saying anything?”

The expression on Ichizou’s face when he asked this. He had noticed something strange about Noel.

Noel opened his tightened lips and tried a few times to make a sound. However, just as expected, it was just air coming out, not forming his voice.

Noel took out his mobile phone and typed some words on it.

My voice won’t come out. It would be alright to just type those words. But for some reason, his thumbs would not move properly. If he acknowledged those words, it felt as though this current situation would become set in stone and that dulled his movement.

While the words were being typed, taking many times more than one should, Ichizou waited on the spot without saying anything. That attitude of his made it clearer than words could that he would accept any truth thrown at him.

“My voice won’t come out.”

Noel passed Ichizou the phone which he typed those words on. Ichizou frantically accepted the phone and a shocked expression appeared on his face as he read the words and with the same look, he stared at Noel.

“……Really…….?”

Noel could only nod when he heard Ichizou’s hoarse voice.

“It’s not a cold….is it? You were fine until now and you even took sufficient precautions. Do you know……”

Ichizou’s gaze shifted to Noel’s pocket. Noel also looked down at his own pocket. The edge of the letter he had forcefully stuffed in was poking out of it.

“I have heard that there are cases of not being able speak due to psychological reasons. Don’t tell me—”

It’s because of that letter? Ichizou did not finish what he was saying and shook his head.

“……No, in any case, we should go to the hospital. It could just a simple cold, if not, then we would need to find out the cause.”

A simple cold. Even if he knew that that was not the reason, Noel nodded.

*

“Noel….what should we do?”

Within Ichizou’s car which was stopped in the parking lot of the hospital. He directed those words at the seat that was behind the driver’s seat, but Noel was not able to reply him.

The doctor’s diagnosis was just as per Ichizou’s worry – mutism from psychological causes. There was medicine to treat this but the doctor was not sure if it could be treated in a week’s time.

(Psychological….)

That battered letter could not leave his mind. He wanted to cover it up and Noel covered his face with his two hands but that was meaningless.

(What am I doing at his kind of time……! That’s just a piece of paper….)

However that piece of paper felt as heavy as a lump of metal. Even now, that letter still had a presence within the pocket of Noel’s coat.

From the driver’s seat, Ichizou made a smiling face and turned over to Noel.

“Tomorrow, let’s just say you caught a cold. Perhaps what happened is just due to fatigue that you accumulated so it’s a perfect time to take a break. I’ll tell Revo-san that.”

Ichizou made an effort to say that with a bright voice and face as though it was no big deal. When Noel heard that, he typed on his phone and showed it.

“I’ll do something about this tomorrow. I don’t want you to tell them anything yet.”

As Ichizou read the words typed on the handphone, a smile indicating that it was impossible appeared on his face and he nodded. Somehow, he did not affirm that he could do it. However, Ichizou did not say anything related to such an issue.

“Sure, I got it. Just give me the word if there is anything I can do.”

There was not. Noel would have said that if he could get his voice out. Surely, Ichizou also felt that.

“….but, I think you know even if I don’t say it….there isn’t much time left.”

Looking forward, Ichizou started the engine and he let out a sigh at how useless he was.

There was less than a week left to the celebratory event. If he could not attend, Revo, his band members, the staff……as well as the people who were waiting for him would be disappointed.

However in the end, he could not sing in this state where his voice could not come out.

–Can’t sing.

That reality weighed heavily on Noel’s shoulders.

(I can’t sing……?)

Until when? How long did he have to wait before he could sing? What if this did not change and he could not sing? What if he could no longer sing for the rest of his life—

(The meaning of me being alive would all be gone.)

It was as though that letter that denied him being alive stuck this fate onto him.

(Is me being alive that unforgivable….!)

They should not have any bond as a mother and child anymore. She should not involve herself with him. If it was bothersome, then she could have just sent a letter or something. She could have just hit him with words of resentment. He would have rather she just killed him when he was still a baby.

(Why now, after all these years….when I finally found my purpose of living, you have to take it away……!)

After pressing against his aching head, Noel looked up out of the window as though pleading for help.

–The stars could not be seen.

*

The next day, the issue was glossed over with the statement that he caught a cold. However, that did not work for the day after that. Making an unreasonable excuse that he wanted to concentrate by himself, Noel stayed in the studio and tried to sing over and over. However, not once did his voice come out.

My voice won’t work, I can’t sing.

That started to increase the amount of stress on Noel which pressed down on both his shoulders, crushing his throat.

Even if Noel understood what was happening, he was pushed to the corner.

“Noel.”

Noel got a fright when someone called him. He had not even noticed that Ichizou had entered the studio. Even though he was that focused, he could not make a sound. The frustration and pain made him clench his fists tightly.

Seeing that Ichizou, who had come in, had a thoughtful expression, Noel guessed that the other party had something to say. Noel still had hopes in his heart. Surely, he would be able to sing. And Ichizou should believe that and was waiting for it as well.

As though not wanting to look at Noel’s face, Ichizou lowered his head deeply.

“Sorry….I don’t think we can hide it anymore than this after all. At the very least, we should consult Revo-san ….and make a decision if you can appear or not.”

“……..!”

Without thinking, he grabbed the front of Ichizou’s shirt. He wanted to yell something furiously but without being able to make a sound, the words could not even appear. Ichizou was not angry at Noel who was wordlessly grabbing his shirt and glaring at him. His face twisted into a somewhat despondent expression and shouted while looking at Noel.

“……I want to see you sing! Even now, I still really feel that way!”

Ichizou grabbed the wrist of Noel’s hand that was holding onto his shirt tightly. It was not because he wanted Noel to let go. Ichizou was holding onto Noel’s wrist to make sure that he was still here, to make sure he did not disappear.

From behind the red rimmed glasses, Ichizou stared at Noel with sincerity and spoke in a clear voice.

“But this is not the last time you will be standing on stage. There are still chances in future.”

Wanting to voice out that Ichizou was wrong which was impossible, Noel shook his head.

It had to be this stage. This was the first request he got from Revo, acknowledging him as a musician. This celebration even held a huge meaning for Noel who was starting his path as a musician. If he ran away from it, regretting would not be enough. From then on, it would affect VANISHING STARLIGHT and Noel himself.

“I understand.”

Ichizou’s eyes had accepted all the considerations that Noel had ahead of time. Even so, he had to consider the matters from the position of a manager and persuade Noel.

“Noel.”

Ichizou called Noel’s name and Noel raised his lowered head, glaring at the other party. Ichizou also glared from behind his glasses. They were not glaring at each other, they were glaring because they wanted to kill the reality that was between them.

Right now, they would do anything to get Noel’s voice back.

They were surely facing with each other with the same expressions. No, Ichizou was probably the more frustrated one, having to present a reality that was different from what he wished for. Even so, Ichizou had considered what would happen in future and the current situation and was only speaking facts. Noel closed his eyes.

This time, he could only give up—

“Noe-Noe! Have you recovered from your cold? Are you feeling better?”

The door suddenly opened forcefully and a cheerful voice loudly rang out through the studio.

“Re, Revo-san?!……why are you here…..!”

“Fu fu fu….Do you want to know?”

“N, no….it’s fine….!”

“Oh my. I just followed behind you, that’s all. I didn’t think Noe-Noe was the type to just sit still.”

Turning from Ichizou’s direction, Revo flippantly looked at Noel and smiled.

(Crap. Crap, crap……!)

His heart was beating strongly and sweat was pouring out.

Perhaps he noticed how Noel was acting or perhaps it was just out of his own interest, Revo looked over with a strangely coloured small bottle in his hand.

“I guess you won’t need cold medicine if you’re feeling better. Tch, and I even got all excited because I heard that this tasted bad enough to feel like dying.”

(Does this guy intend to make me a Guinea pig…….!)

Noel forget his anxiety all at once with Revo acting as per normal and he glared at the other party furiously, clenching his fists. Revo looked at Noel and tilted his head.

“You seem alright but you’re pretty quiet today, aren’t you?”

When that was said, Noel remembered his anxiety. He was baffled that he let himself be toyed around with in this kind of situation.

(Is this guy doing this on purpose……)

In the midst of that, Ichizou had taken a step closer to Revo and opened his mouth with a face of determination.

“Revo-san, actually Noel—”

“Don’t tell me….”

Revo was taken aback and the smile he had while looking at Noel vanished.

Did he find out? Noel and Ichizou waited for what he had to say next, their hearts racing then Revo placed his hand on Noel’s shoulder with a thump.

“You’re actually nervous because it’s just before a live show? Oh dear, even Noe-noe has a cute side!”

He patted Noel’s shoulder while laughing in an amused manner. After laughing for a while, he spun on his heel, his coat flipping.

“Alright, let’s go for the rehearsal. I want you to put a little more spirit in your singing today.”

“Eh?! Wait, Revo-san! Please hear me out for a bit!”

“……Ichizou-kun.”

His footsteps stopped; Revo’s serious tone made Ichizou freeze. Then he over with his head turned over his shoulder. His profile was also as serious as his voice.

“I’m a clumsy man who can’t have any kind of conversation unless it’s music related……”

“Are you trying to say something cool?!”

(No, I don’t get what he’s trying to say!)

Without thinking, he made a retort even though he could not speak when he heard the exchange between Revo and Ichizou.

With a serious voice that made people wonder where it had been all along, Revo made a refreshing cheerful look and opened the door, waiting for them.

“Come one, let’s go~ Ichizou-kun, can you drive us there?”

“That’s fine……But like I was saying!”

“Let’s get a move on already. There isn’t much time left till the celebratory event.”

As though to call out to Ichizou who was trying to hold back a pushy Revo, Noel tapped Ichizou’s arm. Ichizou turned his head to look over and looking at his eyes, Noel gave a small nod.

(I’ll tell him.)

That was what his gaze said and it seemed that the message was received by Ichizou. He also nodded firmly, indicating that he understood.

He got onto the back seat of the car together with Revo. Even after the car set off, Ichizou, at the driver’s seat, was still paying attention to what was going on behind but he did not attempt to say anything.

He had to tell Revo that he could not use his voice. He stuck his hand into his pocket, wanting to take his phone out, then Revo said something from beside him.

“Noel. I have something important to tell you.”

For an instant, he doubted his ears. Hearing a manner of speaking that was different from the norm, Noel looked at Revo in surprise. Just like the tone of his voice, the smile has also vanished from Revo’s face.

“Actually at this moment, it seems like someone precious to me had been pushed into a corner. I brought him along to today’s rehearsal.”

Revo looked over at Noel.

“I think that if it was you, you might be able to do something about him.”

The sunglasses reflected Noel’s face. A pathetic face that lacked confidence because such a thing was impossible. It did not seem like his own face.

(No matter how much expectations you have of me….right now, I’m not able to meet those expectations…….!)

The mouth that wanted to reply moved but it had become ingrained in his body that his voice would not come out. He had to say it, he had to pass this message, his voice, his words could not come out.

His own singing might have been able to save someone. This chance was supposed to be before his eyes. The current Noel could do nothing but betray that someone’s expectations. Revo’s expectations have transformed to disappointment.

That kind of pressure felt like it had already crushed Noel’s throat.

“If it was you, you would be able to do it.”

(Stop it….don’t have any kind of expectations of me, right now……!)

No matter how many times he tried to make a sound, it was useless. But yet, when he listened to Revo’s voice, he expected a miracle to happen and that there was a chance he could sing. He became unable to say that he could not sing.

(Why do you have expectations of me……!)

He wanted to say that but he was not able to voice that out.